i am trying something new:

www.thedaylightsrays.tumblr.com

beautiful jesus.

a quote i thought of today that made me smile, from someone much wiser than me.
rest in the love and grace and glory of Jesus.

"wherever we turn in the church of God, there is Jesus. He is the beginning, middle, and end of everything to us...There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate out obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all He has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more."
- Frederick Faber
(excerpt from Tozer's The Pursuit of God)

momentum

how many times do you hear people say they are busy? it's a pretty common occurrence here in the christian college environment that i live in, and

honestly has left me numb to the word many times. it's almost become trendy to always be in a rush or always having something to do. whenever

you ask someone how they are doing, the normal response is usually going to be "good, but busy."
after spending my summer in a culture that gives precedence to relationships and the eternal over the busyness of every day life, i thought i would definitely carry this mindset over to my life back at school. as a senior in college, i thought i had the "time management" piece down and was excited to start a year that was free and uninhibited. i wanted to let go of schedules and meet new people. i wanted to dream really big about the future and

forget about every day tasks that so often become routine.
but what i have realized is this: i am not a busy person. busy means i have too much to do in too little time. what i truly am, is a person who is constantly going, constantly doing. the momentum of my life is always moving forward. i thrive off of the things i do each day and i am drawn into roles, places and relationships that i love. although these are all things that i dearly cherish, they seem to never allow me the time to stop. the time i need to slow down and unwind. the time i need to process all that i have done and to really see if my focus and drive and passion is in the right place. in the midst of trying to get as many experiences as possible, my passion for the things that matter in this world has been pushed somewhere into the back of my mind. the reality is that everything that i am doing now has the potential to matter, it has the potential to be my ministry, but has not yet fully become that. as i am running and going and doing, i am forgetting to be. i am forgetting my passion for the Lord. and i am forgetting the things that are unseen.
the Lord has called us as His people to strive and live for the things that are unseen. but instead, we as His followers try to do so much and be so much to so many people that we get lost. we lose our passion and our love for the Lord, we lose sight of what He has for us each day. a day can hold so much: it can hold hope, tears, thoughtfulness, rest, resfreshment, joy, trials, temptations, and so much more if we ask the Lord to reveal it us. because the truth is, sometimes i need the Lord to stop me. i need Him to show me that it's okay to slow down and stop running. and in that stopping and resting, He refreshes and restores me. He releases me from the things that i need to do and the person i think i need to be and says, "child, you are my own. you can only find everything you need in me, so stop running and searching and trying to find it on your own and simply look to me." in those moments, i remember. i remember that i was not created to run and jump and move at all times. my life was not created to be one of never-ending momentum. it is one of back and forth, up and down, chaos and rest. it is not what we do that gives us value, but it is how we act and how we learn to be. that is when we can fully be who God created us to be and to find peace in whatever pace we are moving. because as we move, we should focus our momentum on moving closer and closer to the Prince of Peace, the One who never changes, and the One who will tell us when to stop, slow down, and to go. let's let His momentum be our momentum.

rejoicing!

a boy that has been lost from mitumba for almost two months has been found!! bwana isifiwe! praise the Lord!
right before we got to kenya, in the beginning of june, a boy from the slum was lost when he was taken out of the slum with his mother, who has been having mental health issues. she took her two boys around the city and somehow, one night the youngest boy was lost. he couldn't have been any older than three. the people started praying and asking God to bring the boy back. the news was notified and police began to search night and day, but he was no where to be found. after about a month or so, everyone kept praying but hope was pretty thin that this small boy could have survived all this time away from home and food and shelter.
i got to spend time with this boy's mother, betty, the day that i left. i went to her home and sat with her and tried to understand some of the kiswahili she was talking with pastor's wife. she was saying how hard of time she was having with her son being lost and how it has been causing her great stress that leads to mental breakdowns. she said she was so thankful for our prayers, but she is not a christian. violet, the pastor's wife continued to tell her to put her trust in God to bring her boy back home. i spoke to her some more and had never prayed harder for someone to believe and for this boy to be found. i left the home in tears, and when i walked back to mitumba, i saw her older son, whose name is duke, standing right in front of me. it took everything inside of me to not break out into tears in front of all the children.
with all that being said, i left mitumba literally believing her child was probably dead. my faith that he would be returned was pretty small.
that is, until several days ago when i heard the boy had been brought back home! i received the news from the girl who had stayed with me during my last three weeks in kenya. she said there had been a lady in mitumba who had committed to praying for his return. one day, the Lord told her to tell betty to go to this certain slum. when betty did, she found her son! AND he was being taken care of by a family who had been feeding him and even taking him to school. the Lord hadn't lost sight of this boy and knew he would be returned to his family.
when i heard this news, i was amazed and couldn't even believe what i had heard. i was blown away by how the Lord had spoke to this woman and taken care of His child. i cried and cried, tears of joy. tears that longer to be back in mitumba more than i ever have since i have been home. tears that deeply wished i could be rejoicing with the people of mitumba in this celebration of the Lord's mercy and faithfulness.
as i have been back for almost two months and am transitioning into school mode, it's been easy to set the "mitumba" side of my heart to the side while i have had to pick up school, work and all my feelings about being back on campus for senior year. moments like this remind me that the people of mitumba are now a part of my life, a part of my heart. to "set them aside for now" could be easier for me and everyone around me, but the Lord will not allow me to do that. He reminds us of things in our hearts that have meaning and significance, of places where He taught us and changed us and set our hearts on fire. i am learning that those are the things that matter in life, the things i want to fight for. i want to stand up for issues and causes and people, but above all, i want to stand up for Christ and let all those things follow behind. i want to fight for betty to know Christ. i want to close my mouth to things that don't matter, that aren't eternal, and instead choose to speak to defend the gospel. i want my faith to be a fire inside my heart that can't be silenced or hidden or contained. i want to have faith that believes God can bring a small boy back home after two months of being out on his own. i want faith to believe God can heal betty completely so she can put her trust in Him. i want faith to believe that God will lead me back to mitumba if it is in His perfect will.

"rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn." romans 12

He is safe.

"everything is safe which we commit to Him"

lately i've been struggling with the idea of comfort. we've all heard that the Lord does not always say following His will will be comfortable for us, but instead He says "He who promised is faithful" and "He will give us everything we need according to His riches in glory". i'm beginning to become convinced that our life of faith and life as faithful followers of Christ should never quite be comfortable. there should always be work that the Lord is trying to do in us, or things that He is calling us to that we can only do by His power. He wants us to move, to grow, and to be changed. He wants all of our hearts, He cares more about the work He is doing in us than about how we feel at that moment.
i have been challenged to look at my faith and my life and stare some areas of struggle right in the face. areas where i have been comfortable for too long, like with money, and clothes, and sharing my faith (and more). as the Lord has been revealing those things to me, He has given me more than enough to overcome those strongholds that have led me to be comfortable.
see, the problem with becoming comfortable with what we have and what we do is that it leads to apathy. it leads to a place where we don't need God, we think we can do things on our own. we think we can create a life that is easy and comfortable. satan has caught us in this lie as a culture. he knows we love things, love our jobs, we love people more than we love our God. and because we become comfortable with all the worldly things, we began to become comfortable in our relationship with the Lord. we don't pursue Him, we don't give up things for Him because we think we're okay. we miss all the things we can learn, we miss out on learning more and more about our God who called people over and over in His Word from places of comfort to places of complete trust.
the thing that hit me today was this. there was a time in my life where i wasn't living and following the Lord like i knew i should. i was choosing the things of this world to satisfy me when i should have been looking to the Lord. and the thing is, i thought i was safe. i was choosing "comfort". i was choosing the life that everyone else was living and was trying to be content in that. i wasn't taking risks but simple playing along with everyone else. and during that time, i was anything but content; i actually had never been more restless. i had never felt more empty and knew i needed change, i needed transformation, i needed the Lord to become my everything. my heart was searching for somewhere to be safe, but it couldn't find safety anywhere.
in all that time, i was missing it. i was missing the truth that our safety does not come with things, with money, with friends, but it comes from a heart that is founded in the Lord. i didn't understand that lesson at the time, but now it means so much to me. "Lord, my heart is safe with you. Anything I give to you is safe." this is truth that should bring great joy and rest to our hearts as servants of Christ. because as His children, He can take us to the most remote place in the world to preach His name, and we will be safer than the one who stays at home their whole life while making decisions for themselves and never choosing to change or grow or follow the Lord.
so this is one of the many paradoxes of Christ. we find comfort and safety in taking risks, in sacrifice and in surrender for the Gospel. because we know the one who is holding us and guiding us is much more capable to do what He says He will than we are to figure it out on our own. that is why "everything is safe which we commit to Him". whatever we commit and give to the Lord is safe.
"the name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." Prov. 18:10
"fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe." Prov. 29:25

dream big.

whew. time is f l y i n g by.
it's almost been a month since i have been back in the states, which is crazy. i have been home, then in louisville, and soon i will be moving back to school. as much as i am trying, going back to school for my LAST year of college does not even seem like reality. i kind of forgot it was the last year, until my mom mentioned it the other day.
in the midst of everything that is going on around me, nothing has ever felt so right. something came alive inside of me while i was in kenya, something that i have never felt or experienced before. while i was there, i kept thinking of ministry and what ministry looks like in each person's life. and i kept feeling like our greatest ministry is in a place where our heart fully comes alive. like we were created to be in that exact place or exact job at that moment, and it makes us feel alive because we see the Lord most clearly when we are there. because i want my life to be a ministry. i don't want to wait until i'm done with college to feel like, "now i am ready to serve the Lord and start my ministry". so for me, i started thinking of the times where i have felt that way.
one- loving on and spending time with the kenyan children. it feels me with joy and excitement and passion in a way like nothing else can.
two- God has given me a heart for broken people and children.
three- i love to learn. i could read and listen to books and wise people talk for hours and hours. i thrive off of being in an environment where i learn.
four- writing. something i have always loved to do, but stopped for awhile. oh, the stories we can tell and the life that we can share through writing.

i say these things because of this:
i truly, truly believe that God knows these things about me. He knows what i love and knows what makes me come alive. there are probably many more things i could add, and over time, they will change in different seasons of life. God does not waste anything He has given us, and He uses our experiences to increase our ministry in so many ways. none of the things i wrote describe a job (at least not that i can see), or answer what i am going to do after college. but they are more important to me now than either of those things. because i want to be alive, i want to live with passion, and i want to do the things God created me to do. when our gifts and passions meet Him and are used for His glory, we can't even imagine His plans. they are bigger. and we serve a God who does big things...because He is big. so i will continue to dream big. dream big about what He is going to do tomorrow, what He has planned for when i graduate, and what He has planned ten years from now. and i am learning to trust in the fact the He sees all things, He knows all things, and He has all things in His hands.
the piece of my heart that came alive in kenya is still growing. God planted the seed and He is growing it. He brings His plans to fruition if we are willing to be used, willing to obey, and willing to let go of what we think is best.

i love to dream. dreaming big has been my phrase for awhile now, but it isn't getting old. because let's be honest, if the kingdom of God is going to advance, we need to start dreaming and praying about how we can be a part of it coming to earth. the kingdom of God needs us to come alive about the things that matter in this world- like the Gospel and truth and justice. and as the Body of Christ, we must dream about these things and make our dreams come alive. because by His power and His Spirit, all things are possible.

"now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21


"no eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived,
what God has prepared for those who love Him"

1 Corinthians 2:9

action. response. sacrifice.

i'm not sure why, but my mind has not been able to stop comparing america to kenya. granted i know we are almost 10,000 miles apart physically and maybe even further apart culturally; but to me, the places aren't very far from each other. i am trying to find similarities and trying to find ways to bring the worlds together even when i cannot be there. i am a person who lives in america but also has a huge part of my heart in kenya. i want to be the same person i am here in the states as i am when i am in kenya. and to be honest, sometimes that is really hard to do. constantly people come back from other countries and say, "i learned that the same God over my life in america is the same God over the people of _______". and that is a great and humbling revelation to have. God is bigger than our country and bigger than ourselves. He can work in our lives and also work in the lives of people all around the world at the same time. Praise God for that.
but for me, i am challenged by the way they see the Lord, and the way the Lord has revealed Himself to them. even though we serve the same God, they are seeing God in a way i don't. this is something i continue to say, but something i can not let go of because i desperately want to understand it. i want to see God the way they do. i want to see God as provider and as enough and as the complete joy of my heart and soul. i want to see Him move in ways and through people in a way that only He can and through it, He receives all the glory. i desire to know Him as they do, to BELIEVE in faith that He is who He says He is, and that He will not disown His people or His name.
one of the biggest purposes of faith is to see God more clearly. when we see Him more clearly, we respond to Him in the only way we can- with complete humility and adoration. when we constantly see Him and know Him more, we are giving Him glory. too many times i want to read millions of books and listen to all the wise pastors of the day to better understand the Lord. in so many ways, their words have helped me to grow and change and be transformed. but reading is just reading, and all listening is requiring me to do is sit there and maybe take notes. i may know God more, but i am still missing something.
i am missing ACTION, RESPONSE, SACRIFICE. i am not living by faith, but simply trying to gain more knowledge. yes, by God's grace and Spirit, the knowledge does spur me onto action, but not as often as it should. i know i need a faith that only comes from seeing God. the men and women of faith in the Bible rarely saw God through some books or famous people who were talking to them. they saw God because they walked with Him, obeyed Him, believed Him. and they saw Him show up. they saw Him be faithful to His word and to provide time and time again. they had to take a step, a big step of faith. a step of faith that chooses courage over fear, trust over doubt, and His glory over theirs.
the people i encountered in kenya understood this. maybe if you asked them, they wouldn't even understand the question because they have lived their entire lives doing this, putting their faith into action. the Pastor and his wife, Violet, constantly relied on God for every need. each month they rely on God to provide for their family, for the children of the school, and for the people of mitumba. they are met with challenges daily, but they know they are not alone. they know that the Lord who has provided for them in the past will continue to provide for them each day.
i want to be the type of person who acts boldly when the Lord calls. the kind of person who doesn't hesitate when God says something, but one who obeys and trust with total faith. i want to be available for the Lord to use me, to be able to take a step of faith that i haven't had the courage to take in the past. i want seeing the Lord to be my only vision. because i know that when i see Him more and more, faith is made simpler and cannot be contained; because i see a God who has all things in His hands and whose wisdom is beyond anything i could ever imagine. the things of God make more sense when we see Him more clearly.
the great man of faith, abraham, is said to have known God "face to face". let's pray that we can see God's face more and more, through His word, through teachers, through our faith, through the gifts He has given us, and through action. and He will not disappoint, for He is faithful to draw near to those who draw near to Him. and faithful to give us all that we need when we have our focus on His kingdom and His glory.