beautiful jesus.

a quote i thought of today that made me smile, from someone much wiser than me.
rest in the love and grace and glory of Jesus.

"wherever we turn in the church of God, there is Jesus. He is the beginning, middle, and end of everything to us...There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate out obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all He has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more."
- Frederick Faber
(excerpt from Tozer's The Pursuit of God)

momentum

how many times do you hear people say they are busy? it's a pretty common occurrence here in the christian college environment that i live in, and

honestly has left me numb to the word many times. it's almost become trendy to always be in a rush or always having something to do. whenever

you ask someone how they are doing, the normal response is usually going to be "good, but busy."
after spending my summer in a culture that gives precedence to relationships and the eternal over the busyness of every day life, i thought i would definitely carry this mindset over to my life back at school. as a senior in college, i thought i had the "time management" piece down and was excited to start a year that was free and uninhibited. i wanted to let go of schedules and meet new people. i wanted to dream really big about the future and

forget about every day tasks that so often become routine.
but what i have realized is this: i am not a busy person. busy means i have too much to do in too little time. what i truly am, is a person who is constantly going, constantly doing. the momentum of my life is always moving forward. i thrive off of the things i do each day and i am drawn into roles, places and relationships that i love. although these are all things that i dearly cherish, they seem to never allow me the time to stop. the time i need to slow down and unwind. the time i need to process all that i have done and to really see if my focus and drive and passion is in the right place. in the midst of trying to get as many experiences as possible, my passion for the things that matter in this world has been pushed somewhere into the back of my mind. the reality is that everything that i am doing now has the potential to matter, it has the potential to be my ministry, but has not yet fully become that. as i am running and going and doing, i am forgetting to be. i am forgetting my passion for the Lord. and i am forgetting the things that are unseen.
the Lord has called us as His people to strive and live for the things that are unseen. but instead, we as His followers try to do so much and be so much to so many people that we get lost. we lose our passion and our love for the Lord, we lose sight of what He has for us each day. a day can hold so much: it can hold hope, tears, thoughtfulness, rest, resfreshment, joy, trials, temptations, and so much more if we ask the Lord to reveal it us. because the truth is, sometimes i need the Lord to stop me. i need Him to show me that it's okay to slow down and stop running. and in that stopping and resting, He refreshes and restores me. He releases me from the things that i need to do and the person i think i need to be and says, "child, you are my own. you can only find everything you need in me, so stop running and searching and trying to find it on your own and simply look to me." in those moments, i remember. i remember that i was not created to run and jump and move at all times. my life was not created to be one of never-ending momentum. it is one of back and forth, up and down, chaos and rest. it is not what we do that gives us value, but it is how we act and how we learn to be. that is when we can fully be who God created us to be and to find peace in whatever pace we are moving. because as we move, we should focus our momentum on moving closer and closer to the Prince of Peace, the One who never changes, and the One who will tell us when to stop, slow down, and to go. let's let His momentum be our momentum.

rejoicing!

a boy that has been lost from mitumba for almost two months has been found!! bwana isifiwe! praise the Lord!
right before we got to kenya, in the beginning of june, a boy from the slum was lost when he was taken out of the slum with his mother, who has been having mental health issues. she took her two boys around the city and somehow, one night the youngest boy was lost. he couldn't have been any older than three. the people started praying and asking God to bring the boy back. the news was notified and police began to search night and day, but he was no where to be found. after about a month or so, everyone kept praying but hope was pretty thin that this small boy could have survived all this time away from home and food and shelter.
i got to spend time with this boy's mother, betty, the day that i left. i went to her home and sat with her and tried to understand some of the kiswahili she was talking with pastor's wife. she was saying how hard of time she was having with her son being lost and how it has been causing her great stress that leads to mental breakdowns. she said she was so thankful for our prayers, but she is not a christian. violet, the pastor's wife continued to tell her to put her trust in God to bring her boy back home. i spoke to her some more and had never prayed harder for someone to believe and for this boy to be found. i left the home in tears, and when i walked back to mitumba, i saw her older son, whose name is duke, standing right in front of me. it took everything inside of me to not break out into tears in front of all the children.
with all that being said, i left mitumba literally believing her child was probably dead. my faith that he would be returned was pretty small.
that is, until several days ago when i heard the boy had been brought back home! i received the news from the girl who had stayed with me during my last three weeks in kenya. she said there had been a lady in mitumba who had committed to praying for his return. one day, the Lord told her to tell betty to go to this certain slum. when betty did, she found her son! AND he was being taken care of by a family who had been feeding him and even taking him to school. the Lord hadn't lost sight of this boy and knew he would be returned to his family.
when i heard this news, i was amazed and couldn't even believe what i had heard. i was blown away by how the Lord had spoke to this woman and taken care of His child. i cried and cried, tears of joy. tears that longer to be back in mitumba more than i ever have since i have been home. tears that deeply wished i could be rejoicing with the people of mitumba in this celebration of the Lord's mercy and faithfulness.
as i have been back for almost two months and am transitioning into school mode, it's been easy to set the "mitumba" side of my heart to the side while i have had to pick up school, work and all my feelings about being back on campus for senior year. moments like this remind me that the people of mitumba are now a part of my life, a part of my heart. to "set them aside for now" could be easier for me and everyone around me, but the Lord will not allow me to do that. He reminds us of things in our hearts that have meaning and significance, of places where He taught us and changed us and set our hearts on fire. i am learning that those are the things that matter in life, the things i want to fight for. i want to stand up for issues and causes and people, but above all, i want to stand up for Christ and let all those things follow behind. i want to fight for betty to know Christ. i want to close my mouth to things that don't matter, that aren't eternal, and instead choose to speak to defend the gospel. i want my faith to be a fire inside my heart that can't be silenced or hidden or contained. i want to have faith that believes God can bring a small boy back home after two months of being out on his own. i want faith to believe God can heal betty completely so she can put her trust in Him. i want faith to believe that God will lead me back to mitumba if it is in His perfect will.

"rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn." romans 12

He is safe.

"everything is safe which we commit to Him"

lately i've been struggling with the idea of comfort. we've all heard that the Lord does not always say following His will will be comfortable for us, but instead He says "He who promised is faithful" and "He will give us everything we need according to His riches in glory". i'm beginning to become convinced that our life of faith and life as faithful followers of Christ should never quite be comfortable. there should always be work that the Lord is trying to do in us, or things that He is calling us to that we can only do by His power. He wants us to move, to grow, and to be changed. He wants all of our hearts, He cares more about the work He is doing in us than about how we feel at that moment.
i have been challenged to look at my faith and my life and stare some areas of struggle right in the face. areas where i have been comfortable for too long, like with money, and clothes, and sharing my faith (and more). as the Lord has been revealing those things to me, He has given me more than enough to overcome those strongholds that have led me to be comfortable.
see, the problem with becoming comfortable with what we have and what we do is that it leads to apathy. it leads to a place where we don't need God, we think we can do things on our own. we think we can create a life that is easy and comfortable. satan has caught us in this lie as a culture. he knows we love things, love our jobs, we love people more than we love our God. and because we become comfortable with all the worldly things, we began to become comfortable in our relationship with the Lord. we don't pursue Him, we don't give up things for Him because we think we're okay. we miss all the things we can learn, we miss out on learning more and more about our God who called people over and over in His Word from places of comfort to places of complete trust.
the thing that hit me today was this. there was a time in my life where i wasn't living and following the Lord like i knew i should. i was choosing the things of this world to satisfy me when i should have been looking to the Lord. and the thing is, i thought i was safe. i was choosing "comfort". i was choosing the life that everyone else was living and was trying to be content in that. i wasn't taking risks but simple playing along with everyone else. and during that time, i was anything but content; i actually had never been more restless. i had never felt more empty and knew i needed change, i needed transformation, i needed the Lord to become my everything. my heart was searching for somewhere to be safe, but it couldn't find safety anywhere.
in all that time, i was missing it. i was missing the truth that our safety does not come with things, with money, with friends, but it comes from a heart that is founded in the Lord. i didn't understand that lesson at the time, but now it means so much to me. "Lord, my heart is safe with you. Anything I give to you is safe." this is truth that should bring great joy and rest to our hearts as servants of Christ. because as His children, He can take us to the most remote place in the world to preach His name, and we will be safer than the one who stays at home their whole life while making decisions for themselves and never choosing to change or grow or follow the Lord.
so this is one of the many paradoxes of Christ. we find comfort and safety in taking risks, in sacrifice and in surrender for the Gospel. because we know the one who is holding us and guiding us is much more capable to do what He says He will than we are to figure it out on our own. that is why "everything is safe which we commit to Him". whatever we commit and give to the Lord is safe.
"the name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." Prov. 18:10
"fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe." Prov. 29:25

dream big.

whew. time is f l y i n g by.
it's almost been a month since i have been back in the states, which is crazy. i have been home, then in louisville, and soon i will be moving back to school. as much as i am trying, going back to school for my LAST year of college does not even seem like reality. i kind of forgot it was the last year, until my mom mentioned it the other day.
in the midst of everything that is going on around me, nothing has ever felt so right. something came alive inside of me while i was in kenya, something that i have never felt or experienced before. while i was there, i kept thinking of ministry and what ministry looks like in each person's life. and i kept feeling like our greatest ministry is in a place where our heart fully comes alive. like we were created to be in that exact place or exact job at that moment, and it makes us feel alive because we see the Lord most clearly when we are there. because i want my life to be a ministry. i don't want to wait until i'm done with college to feel like, "now i am ready to serve the Lord and start my ministry". so for me, i started thinking of the times where i have felt that way.
one- loving on and spending time with the kenyan children. it feels me with joy and excitement and passion in a way like nothing else can.
two- God has given me a heart for broken people and children.
three- i love to learn. i could read and listen to books and wise people talk for hours and hours. i thrive off of being in an environment where i learn.
four- writing. something i have always loved to do, but stopped for awhile. oh, the stories we can tell and the life that we can share through writing.

i say these things because of this:
i truly, truly believe that God knows these things about me. He knows what i love and knows what makes me come alive. there are probably many more things i could add, and over time, they will change in different seasons of life. God does not waste anything He has given us, and He uses our experiences to increase our ministry in so many ways. none of the things i wrote describe a job (at least not that i can see), or answer what i am going to do after college. but they are more important to me now than either of those things. because i want to be alive, i want to live with passion, and i want to do the things God created me to do. when our gifts and passions meet Him and are used for His glory, we can't even imagine His plans. they are bigger. and we serve a God who does big things...because He is big. so i will continue to dream big. dream big about what He is going to do tomorrow, what He has planned for when i graduate, and what He has planned ten years from now. and i am learning to trust in the fact the He sees all things, He knows all things, and He has all things in His hands.
the piece of my heart that came alive in kenya is still growing. God planted the seed and He is growing it. He brings His plans to fruition if we are willing to be used, willing to obey, and willing to let go of what we think is best.

i love to dream. dreaming big has been my phrase for awhile now, but it isn't getting old. because let's be honest, if the kingdom of God is going to advance, we need to start dreaming and praying about how we can be a part of it coming to earth. the kingdom of God needs us to come alive about the things that matter in this world- like the Gospel and truth and justice. and as the Body of Christ, we must dream about these things and make our dreams come alive. because by His power and His Spirit, all things are possible.

"now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21


"no eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived,
what God has prepared for those who love Him"

1 Corinthians 2:9

action. response. sacrifice.

i'm not sure why, but my mind has not been able to stop comparing america to kenya. granted i know we are almost 10,000 miles apart physically and maybe even further apart culturally; but to me, the places aren't very far from each other. i am trying to find similarities and trying to find ways to bring the worlds together even when i cannot be there. i am a person who lives in america but also has a huge part of my heart in kenya. i want to be the same person i am here in the states as i am when i am in kenya. and to be honest, sometimes that is really hard to do. constantly people come back from other countries and say, "i learned that the same God over my life in america is the same God over the people of _______". and that is a great and humbling revelation to have. God is bigger than our country and bigger than ourselves. He can work in our lives and also work in the lives of people all around the world at the same time. Praise God for that.
but for me, i am challenged by the way they see the Lord, and the way the Lord has revealed Himself to them. even though we serve the same God, they are seeing God in a way i don't. this is something i continue to say, but something i can not let go of because i desperately want to understand it. i want to see God the way they do. i want to see God as provider and as enough and as the complete joy of my heart and soul. i want to see Him move in ways and through people in a way that only He can and through it, He receives all the glory. i desire to know Him as they do, to BELIEVE in faith that He is who He says He is, and that He will not disown His people or His name.
one of the biggest purposes of faith is to see God more clearly. when we see Him more clearly, we respond to Him in the only way we can- with complete humility and adoration. when we constantly see Him and know Him more, we are giving Him glory. too many times i want to read millions of books and listen to all the wise pastors of the day to better understand the Lord. in so many ways, their words have helped me to grow and change and be transformed. but reading is just reading, and all listening is requiring me to do is sit there and maybe take notes. i may know God more, but i am still missing something.
i am missing ACTION, RESPONSE, SACRIFICE. i am not living by faith, but simply trying to gain more knowledge. yes, by God's grace and Spirit, the knowledge does spur me onto action, but not as often as it should. i know i need a faith that only comes from seeing God. the men and women of faith in the Bible rarely saw God through some books or famous people who were talking to them. they saw God because they walked with Him, obeyed Him, believed Him. and they saw Him show up. they saw Him be faithful to His word and to provide time and time again. they had to take a step, a big step of faith. a step of faith that chooses courage over fear, trust over doubt, and His glory over theirs.
the people i encountered in kenya understood this. maybe if you asked them, they wouldn't even understand the question because they have lived their entire lives doing this, putting their faith into action. the Pastor and his wife, Violet, constantly relied on God for every need. each month they rely on God to provide for their family, for the children of the school, and for the people of mitumba. they are met with challenges daily, but they know they are not alone. they know that the Lord who has provided for them in the past will continue to provide for them each day.
i want to be the type of person who acts boldly when the Lord calls. the kind of person who doesn't hesitate when God says something, but one who obeys and trust with total faith. i want to be available for the Lord to use me, to be able to take a step of faith that i haven't had the courage to take in the past. i want seeing the Lord to be my only vision. because i know that when i see Him more and more, faith is made simpler and cannot be contained; because i see a God who has all things in His hands and whose wisdom is beyond anything i could ever imagine. the things of God make more sense when we see Him more clearly.
the great man of faith, abraham, is said to have known God "face to face". let's pray that we can see God's face more and more, through His word, through teachers, through our faith, through the gifts He has given us, and through action. and He will not disappoint, for He is faithful to draw near to those who draw near to Him. and faithful to give us all that we need when we have our focus on His kingdom and His glory.

complete faith.

it was 7AM kenya time and we had landed in nairobi and were waiting for our luggage. i was so thankful because i had just seen my bag and was about to grab it right when an older looking kenyan man came to me, looked at my shirt (with the GOYA logo on it), and hugged me with a traditional african hug :)
this was my first encounter with pastor shardrack. and from the minute i saw the joy on his face that clearly flowed from his heart, i felt at home and knew i was in the exact place the Lord wanted me to be.
pastor shadrack has been working in mitumba for about 7 years with his wife violet. before his time there, he was ministering in youth camps throughout kenya. while he was working in a camp in nairobi, someone brought some youth from mitumba to his camp and invited him to mitumba. when he went to mitumba, he saw the great need of the people and especially the children and the Lord stirred his heart to begin a ministry there. since that time, him and his wife have seen the Lord working in miraculous ways in the lives of the people and children of mitumba. they have trusted with complete, pure faith that the Lord will provide all their needs each day. their words match their actions, their faith is seen in every area of their lives and there is not a conversation that you can have with pastor where he does not talk about the Lord, and His goodness, and the miracles that He performs each day.

they have allowed themselves to be so open to be used by the Lord that the Lord has blessed them tremendously by allowing them to see His work and how He can provide. because of their faith and trust, they have seen the Lord in ways that i have never seen, in ways that many people in our culture have never been able to see.
i was immediately challenged and began to question my life, and wondering if we are missing something big, something HUGE by not putting ourselves in situations where we have to trust the Lord. now, i don't mean making a decision about which job to take or what the Lord's timing is for something (although these are all important things), but i am talking about trusting the Lord by saying, "Lord, today is yours. you want me to feed these children. i am not sure how it will be done, but i know you called me here and i know you are faithful." i'm sure pastor's prayers sound something like this on a daily basis. what would it look like if we allowed ourselves to pray that prayer? well, it would require us first having to put ourselves in a situation with that great of a need to even know the heart behind a prayer like that. it would call us to choose to set aside our wants and ask the Lord in what way can we sacrifice something for him today. pastor clearly understands this better than i do, and i keep thinking he knows something about the Lord that i do not because he has seen him in ways i hope and pray that someday i can have the faith to see.

one of my favorite things that came from pastor's lips often was this,
"when the Lord is put first, He will not disown His name."
when we put the Lord as first in our lives and in our hearts, He is the one who will receive the glory. people will see him and not us, and because of that the Lord is going to honor and glorify His name. when blessings and gifts come, they are acknowledged as coming from the Lord and that will always give Him the glory. it is Him who is doing the ministry in mitumba, not pastor and violet. they have put him first and He has honored their servant's hearts and has blessed the people of mitumba through them.


it is clear that God is alive and working in the lives of the children and people of mitumba. His name is being glorified and spread throughout this small place, where from first glance it may look like nothing but a hopeless place. but hope is rising and lives continue to be changed, through the pure joy that comes from serving the Lord and through the complete faith of knowing the Lord is all they need.

"the joy of the Lord is our strength"

home.

jambo...

from IL. :)
i never had a chance to blog in kenya for several reasons, and i have been trying to think about what to even write now that i am home.
to be honest, right now i am overwhelmed. overwhelmed with emotions, overwhelmed with stories, overwhelmed with how much i love the children of mitumba.

they changed me. the Lord changed me. being in mitumba and spending time with the children and teachers and Pastor's family helped me to see the Lord in ways i had never seen before. in ways my faith hasn't allowed me to see Him. it is easy for me to say i have been blessed tremendously by my time with them.

i know that i am not going to be able to adequately write about my trip, at least not now and maybe not for awhile. i think i am going to use this blog to process a lot of the stories and things that i experienced and try to make sense of it all in that way.



beth

beth pauline wanjiru.
she became an instant friend. a 12 year old from class 5 who always has a smile on her face and loves life so much. i spent time with her every day and looked forward to seeing her when i went to the school. we talked about life and what she wants to do when she gets older, she braided my hair and asked me questions about america. she is wise beyond her years, but is also so much fun to be around. she loves to dance and tried to teach me to dance on numerous occasions. i spent most of my time in her class and became friends with all the children in class 5. we shared several walks halfway home with our arms around each other with conversations full of dreaming, laughing, and making funny voices. some of the teachers started calling her my daughter because of how much time we spent together.
one day beth came to school wearing a stocking hat. it made me laugh inside because to kenyans, this is their cold season and many of them just think it is too cold. i asked her why she was wearing a hat and later that day found out she was wearing it to cover up her newly pierced ears. i immediately was very concerned...the majority of the children and people in mitumba are HIV positive and i was worried about beth. the children were just becoming real to me, as friends, as children growing up in the most difficult conditions; and my heart broke.
something as simple as getting your ears pierced for these children could be deadly. and as much as you teach them about AIDS prevention and taking care of themselves, sometimes they still don't understand. beth just wanted to get her ears pierced and she just "loved them so much". i just cried when i realized that these are conditions the children face each day. and more than that, i cried for beth- for the girl i had grown to love so quickly and for the idea of her being exposed to such a disease.
i continued to spend time with her and check on her. during my time there, our friendship continued to grow. i didn't fully understand the extent of it until the day that i left mitumba. i was saying good bye to her and another girl who is close to my heart named irene. i started to cry and couldn't stop. some of the boys began to laugh at me, but then i looked and saw these two girls having tears in their eyes. this only made me start to cry more of course. i wanted so much to stay with them and not be a person who was there for a short time and then to walk out of those girls' lives. i wanted to stay to see them grow and be someone who would consistently show them love and friendship. but i knew it was time to go home. and so the tears continued to come.



those girls will forever be in my heart.

before i left for kenya, i prayed that the Lord would bless me with one girl who i could be close to and really form a deep relationship with. well, the Lord multiplied the answer to that prayer and really blessed me with so many relationships with the girls in mitumba. this is just one way He answered prayer throughout the trip.

the Lord is mighty, full of blessings that overflow.
i know the Lord has His hand over beth and over the girls of mitumba, and i know He never leaves them. that is the truth i am resting in tonight as i miss them deeply and know my heart will never forget them.

no turning back.

well, the time has come!
in 24 hours, i will be on a flight to atlanta, and from there to amsterdam (maybe for some exploring) and then finally to nairobi. i finished packing today, cleaning my room, running last minute errands, and tried to keep myself occupied as i have been getting increasingly anxious about traveling. i think i am just ready to be there. once we arrive in nairobi, we will have about one day to unpack, sort everything, get familiar with mitumba, and prepare for the women's conference that will be friday through saturday. i feel humbled and unworthy to be talking to the women about hope, but i know the Lord will be ever so present during the conference and be leading our whole team by His spirit.

feelings of anxiety are never fun, and i had a rough time sleeping last night because of it. i have to admit that it is so easy to be overcome by fear after fear if i'm not clinging to the Lord and believing and knowing His Word. i am learning so much already about what it means to go to the Lord and give him all those anxieties, to cling to His word and to be in constant prayer. every time i have gone to the Lord to seek His word or in prayer for this trip, i have felt His peace and assurance. i know He will continue to teach me to draw near to Him before anything else, and i pray that i will continue to do that on this trip, no matter what the circumstance.

so anyways, i am going to leave with this song because we sang it at church on sunday, and it was a good reminder of what followers of Christ are living for, and from where the Lord has brought us.

"i have decided to follow Jesus...
the world behind me, the cross before me
the world behind me, the cross before me
the world behind me, the cross before me
no turning back, no turning back."

so much hope...

i cannot even describe how i am feeling right now. i have so many emotions about leaving so soon but in the midst of them all, i have been so amazed to learn the things the Lord has been teaching me in preparation for this trip. our team is already beginning to learn how to be flexible, as our flights have been changed due to some cancellations; but as of now, we are still leaving on the 9th at night instead of in the morning. we will have a 10 hour layover in Amsterdam and hopefully arrive in Nairobi around 7AM…this thought brings a huge smile to my face, as I can finally meet the beautiful people of mitumba that I have been preparing to meet for the past eight or nine months.

as i have been preparing for speaking about hope at the women’s conference, i asked the Lord to reveal what He wanted me to speak about. as He has been doing that, i have realized that when the Lord asks us to speak about something, He makes sure that He teaches us a big lesson about it also. and all i can say is that lately i have been amazed at the idea of hope, and what hope has looked like for God’s people throughout history. i have been reading lately about the people of Israel and their journey through the Old Testament. i have never more clearly seen that God has always been a God who rescues His people and desires to bring His people hope and restoration. but the thing is, as humans, we have a history of constantly putting our hope in the wrong things, while God has always been faithful and worthy of our hope. it makes more sense to me now why the people of Israel weren’t ready for the Jesus when He came. well, they weren’t ready for him to look like He did and come in the way He came, and live the way He did. they were waiting for something huge to come in and restore their name and bring them into freedom, the way God had done in the past. they had put their hope in being rescued from their enemies of the present. but the thing is, God knew that the ways of rescuing His people in the past could not ultimately save His people. He knew that they would continue to turn their eyes away from him and hope in things of this world. therefore, in His infinite wisdom and love, He sent His Son to earth, a plan that no one would have expected.

i know this story is not new at all, but sometimes, we too, are blinded by the things that breathe hope and life into our lives because we are constantly looking for answers that we think are best. because of this, we often don’t believe Him, trust Him, or understand His plan. throughout the Bible, there are stories full of people that need a Savior, people that need an everlasting hope. the hope of the people of the Old Testament was in the salvation of Christ coming to earth; and our hope today can continue to be found in God’s faithfulness throughout the Old Testament, in Christ, and in our lives today. what more do we need the Lord to show us before we realize that He always protects, sustains, rescues and saves His people?

since we can place all our hope is in Christ, we do not need to fear or worry about what is to come. We know that our ultimate hope lies in being fully with the Lord someday. Until then, we also must bring hope to the people of this world, because the Lord has called us to be “the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27).

i have never been so in awe of the salvation plan of God, to see His heart throughout time, and see His desire to bring hope to all people. I could not be more thankful to serve a God of enduring hope, faithfulness, and glory.

“no one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame” Psalm 25:3

“O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” Psalm 130:7

“for I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18

"may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

time to breathe.

i have been home from school for about a month now. i really haven’t been home for this long in awhile, and it has been something that is really different to me. the college life is one of transition and change and often little stability, so being in one place for awhile is hard to come by. and to be honest, it’s something that i find hard to do. i love being new places and doing new things and being busy wherever i go. when i'm at school i love having my time occupied with friends, schoolwork and a job. i enjoy having challenging and encouraging conversations with dear friends and staying up late in the dorm. i thrive off of working hard to do well in school and have always loved my jobs. But in the midst of all of that, i have not fully learned how to relax.
b r e a t h e. or slow down.

through a personality test (gotten love 'em), this year i discovered that one of my “strengths” is being an “achiever”. now i know there are strengths that come along with this trait, but let me tell you, there are definite weaknesses. one of the biggest weaknesses is this :it is so easy for me to “do” rather than “be”.
i run from class to a meeting to homework to time hanging out with friends then to studying then to etc....and at times, they all feel like tasks, i'm constantly on the move, constantly doing things. and i'll be real honest, it doesn't leave much time for me, or for the Lord, or even for fun. those three things get left out often because they aren't always tasks, but are still necessary for finding joy, rest, fulfillment, laughter, and the list could go on and on. but instead, i choose to feel good about myself when my tasks are done, or bad about myself if i missed something during the day. so it's obvious why this sometimes doesn’t always seem like much of a strength to me…

but you know what i have decided since i have been home:
my goal next year is to live freely, to be fully me, to live simply and delight in all God has for me each day. Because being home has shown me that it is possible. now, of course, i haven’t had near as many things that must get done while i have been home, but the Lord has showed me that i needed to be refreshed. that He needed to breathe life into areas of my life that I hadn’t taken time to stop and allow Him to. since i have allowed myself to rest, i have felt better; i have slept better; my mind has slowed down [and i may even be walking slower…] :)

[“those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” isaiah 40:31]

now i have known for a long time that when we rest in the Lord and patiently wait on Him, He renews us in ways that only He can. He breathes freedom and truth into our lives when we are willing to listen to Him. He really has always been carrying me all along and has been calling me to come to Him. at times, i listen but it is an occurrence that needs to happen more. He promises to keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast in Him. we must trust that He knows when we need rest, and we must learn to be sensitive to His voice.

[“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” isaiah 26:3]

as I prepare to leave for Kenya in a little more than two weeks, i cannot explain how much this truth was needed in my life. i thought i would be drained from the year and was afraid i would be too tired to minister and serve the people of Mitumba. but instead, the Lord knew i would need this time at home to rest and be refreshed. once again, i am reminded that the Lord really does provide all we need for the work He has for us to do; and He often provides in ways we would never decide for ourselves, because His ways are always higher. Our God is a God who gives strength when we need it most, by His power and through His abounding grace.


[“Be strong in the Lord and His mighty power." ephesians 6:10]

hope in suffering

i have been asked to speak about hope to a group of 50-100 women while in Mitumba at a women’s conference we are having. at first, i wasn’t sure how the Lord wanted me to communicate the message of hope to women who experience trials every day that surpass things that I know and understand. how humbled i am to give a message of hope to women who must rely on the Lord every day in the midst of their suffering.
while being home, i have had so much time with my mom (which has been a true blessing) because she is now retired. one day last week, i was waiting for her while she was eating lunch with friends and was taking longer than I expected. i had happened to be carrying my Bible with me that day and decided for some reason to start reading Job. i couldn’t remember ever reading all the way through Job before, so it seemed like a good way to pass time. (i’m not sure why I thought reading God’s Word would just be a way to pass time because from the very minute i began to read, He began to speak.) i quickly realized that this man’s story is supposed to be the basis of the message the Lord wants me to give the women of Mitumba. Job’s story is common to many and often used to explain why bad things happen to good people. but on this day, the story brought a message of hope and strength in so many different ways. I will write a few here because my words don’t suffice:
Job 5:8-12, 16:
“As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause,
Who does great things and unsearchable and marvelous things without number:
He gives rain on the earth and sends waters on the fields;
He sets on high those that are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.
He frustrates the devices of the crafty, so that their hands achieve no success….
So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts her mouth.”
Job 2:10:
Job says to his wife, “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”
Job 13: 15:
“Though he slay me, I will hope in him.”
Job 5:18:
“For he wounds, but he binds up;
He shatters, but his hands heal.”

Job was a man who found hope in the Lord in the midst of suffering, who knew the Lord saw the bigger picture and learned to trust that His ways were higher.

this is not a message that only the people of Mitumba need to hear but anyone who is a follower of Christ. the Lord has continued to speak to me about hope along with suffering in several other ways recently because i am seeing suffering in new ways that prove that suffering happens, so it is what we choose to do with it that shows our reliance on the Lord.

i just listened to a sermon that talked about suffering and the teaching of Paul from Philippians 3. the Lord revealed to Paul that “everything is loss, for the sake of the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ”; Paul knew that suffering was the way to become more and more like Jesus, and that was his only goal, so he embraced and rejoiced in suffering because of the glory set before him. he knew the Lord’s glory is shown when we suffer because we MUST rely on the Lord and become transformed into His likeness.

maybe it’s harder for us to understand suffering because we do not embrace it from the Lord. because in America we can easily change the things we don’t like: if we have a conflict with a close friend, we ignore or maybe even get a new one. if we are hurt by someone close to us, we push it deep down because we feel we should always be full of joy. we run out of food, we buy more. if our house isn’t big enough, we work to get a new one. we have instilled the idea in our minds that we can fix anything, and in the process we have lost our hope in the Lord and not understood what true suffering looks like. maybe for a mom in Mitumba, who doesn’t have a home, can’t feed her kids, and constantly has the fear of being raped, realizes more easily that her only hope is the Lord. because of her suffering, she learns to cling to Him, rely on Him, and trust Him fully. God allows suffering to us because He knows He is enough; He knows we can rely on Him; He knows He is faithful.
when we truly believes these things about Him, we will see that all things are rubbish that we may know Christ, “know him and the power of his resurrection, and share in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection of the dead.”

if we hope in the Lord in our suffering, we allow Him to use us as we are and change us to become like Him, that He may receive all the glory and that we may proclaim His greatness and His faithfulness.

love like Jesus

Tickets have been purchased. June 9-july 15.

as I was driving home from school tonight, i had a million thoughts running through my mind. it was bittersweet to leave school to come home for the first time in two months. many tears have been shed in the last several weeks, as i have left many cherished friends who have become my support and family during this year. many of them are moving on to the next big things God has in store for them, and i’m so thankful He brought our lives together for this season and to show a picture of what the Body of Christ is supposed to look like.

now that school is over, my mind and heart have been dreaming and thinking more and more about Kenya. the time is quickly approaching, and i am so thankful for time at home, to have time to reflect on this past year and to prepare for this summer. i was talking with a dear friend the other night, who has served on several long trips overseas. i asked her what “words of wisdom” she would give me for my trip, and she responded with something that sounded so simple, but really is profound. she told me to “love boldly”. Love people who are hard to love, love people as much as possible, to give fully, to love like Jesus. my time with the people of mitumba will be short, so it is worth it to love them completely, selflessly, boldly.
the Lord has been constantly reinforcing this idea in my mind through showing the strength of His love. In 2 Corinthians 5, it says “Christ’s love compels us” and then goes on to say “so from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh”. Christ’s love compels us to love, to love the way He does, to see people the way He sees them. if we regard no one according to the flesh, we see them with His eternal perspective and as His beautiful, new creation.
So this is my prayer,
that the love of the Lord would compel me to see others through His eyes and with His heart. To love boldly and set my eyes on what is eternal.

i will be posting more now that i am home and the trip is getting closer and closer. :)

love.LOVE.love.

because He first loved us.

preparation

we are buying tickets soon!
the tentative date for leaving is june 9. mmm, less than two months away.
it is good to see how the Lord continues to remind me of kenya, just enough to excite my heart and to lift the place and people up in prayer. he gives me pieces of excitement, just enough to keep me ready but not too much so i can still live today.

since my last post, the Lord has been really preparing this trip in ways I could not have imagined. i found out that brian, who is filming a project for goya, will now only be in kenya for 3 weeks instead of 6. this changes a lot for me because it was good to know that another person would be there while i was there. but i am trusting the Lord to show me why this is, and to establish strong relationships with the kenyans and to provide a blanket of protection over me while i am there. please lift this up in prayer.

as this semester wraps up, i am amazed at how fast it went. almost a year ago, i was moving to kentucky to live with my sister. i can't believe that a whole year has passed. the Lord has changed so much in me and in others. this year has been hard, full of changes and battles and growing up. in those times, it had been easy to not trust the Lord's plan and direction, but he has continued to provide in unexpected ways.
i have learned to rest in the truth that the Lord knows what i need way more than i do. when all else fails and changes, He remains. He is faithful to keep his promises and strong to provide.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. for the sake of Christ, then, i am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. for when i am weak, then i am strong."
1 Corinthians 12:9-11

TODAY

My first trip to Kenya came at a time in my life where the last place I thought I should have been was on a mission trip to Kenya, Africa. I had just graduated high school and was not in a place where I was hearing the Lord’s voice; looking back, I don’t know if I have ever been farther from it.

But the Lord knew what He was doing when He took me to Kenya. I had wanted to go for such a long time, and my high school youth group was taking a group of seniors there to minister to the organization’s missionaries, along with visiting schools and helping to teach and tell Bible stories. Our group became really tight-knit and enjoyed the whole experience of serving and getting to know the people of Kenya.

One day during the trip, we spent a long time being alone and spending time with the Lord. I felt the Lord may be planting a seed in me to come back to Kenya. But the Lord had things to do inside me first. For the first time, I felt the Lord speak to me and turn my Bible to Hebrews 4. The verse I read was this:

“today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts” vs. 4

This verse may not make much sense right now, but to me at the time, it spoke volumes. I hadn’t been living the life the Lord had called me to, and He had so much more in store for me. But He was calling me that day, to soften my heart and to turn back to Him.

It was a long journey back, back from Kenya (literally) and back to where the Lord wanted me to be. To this day, I see His hand of protection being with me all along.

So one of the reasons I am going back to Kenya this summer is because it was the place where I heard the Lord’s voice. He awakened a desire in my heart for freedom, for wholeness, and for the people of Kenya. The people have such a faith and joy in the Lord that it cannot be ignored. I am humbled that the Lord has called me back to such a place, where He is willing to use someone like to me to be a part of advancing His kingdom.