time to breathe.

i have been home from school for about a month now. i really haven’t been home for this long in awhile, and it has been something that is really different to me. the college life is one of transition and change and often little stability, so being in one place for awhile is hard to come by. and to be honest, it’s something that i find hard to do. i love being new places and doing new things and being busy wherever i go. when i'm at school i love having my time occupied with friends, schoolwork and a job. i enjoy having challenging and encouraging conversations with dear friends and staying up late in the dorm. i thrive off of working hard to do well in school and have always loved my jobs. But in the midst of all of that, i have not fully learned how to relax.
b r e a t h e. or slow down.

through a personality test (gotten love 'em), this year i discovered that one of my “strengths” is being an “achiever”. now i know there are strengths that come along with this trait, but let me tell you, there are definite weaknesses. one of the biggest weaknesses is this :it is so easy for me to “do” rather than “be”.
i run from class to a meeting to homework to time hanging out with friends then to studying then to etc....and at times, they all feel like tasks, i'm constantly on the move, constantly doing things. and i'll be real honest, it doesn't leave much time for me, or for the Lord, or even for fun. those three things get left out often because they aren't always tasks, but are still necessary for finding joy, rest, fulfillment, laughter, and the list could go on and on. but instead, i choose to feel good about myself when my tasks are done, or bad about myself if i missed something during the day. so it's obvious why this sometimes doesn’t always seem like much of a strength to me…

but you know what i have decided since i have been home:
my goal next year is to live freely, to be fully me, to live simply and delight in all God has for me each day. Because being home has shown me that it is possible. now, of course, i haven’t had near as many things that must get done while i have been home, but the Lord has showed me that i needed to be refreshed. that He needed to breathe life into areas of my life that I hadn’t taken time to stop and allow Him to. since i have allowed myself to rest, i have felt better; i have slept better; my mind has slowed down [and i may even be walking slower…] :)

[“those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” isaiah 40:31]

now i have known for a long time that when we rest in the Lord and patiently wait on Him, He renews us in ways that only He can. He breathes freedom and truth into our lives when we are willing to listen to Him. He really has always been carrying me all along and has been calling me to come to Him. at times, i listen but it is an occurrence that needs to happen more. He promises to keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast in Him. we must trust that He knows when we need rest, and we must learn to be sensitive to His voice.

[“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” isaiah 26:3]

as I prepare to leave for Kenya in a little more than two weeks, i cannot explain how much this truth was needed in my life. i thought i would be drained from the year and was afraid i would be too tired to minister and serve the people of Mitumba. but instead, the Lord knew i would need this time at home to rest and be refreshed. once again, i am reminded that the Lord really does provide all we need for the work He has for us to do; and He often provides in ways we would never decide for ourselves, because His ways are always higher. Our God is a God who gives strength when we need it most, by His power and through His abounding grace.


[“Be strong in the Lord and His mighty power." ephesians 6:10]

hope in suffering

i have been asked to speak about hope to a group of 50-100 women while in Mitumba at a women’s conference we are having. at first, i wasn’t sure how the Lord wanted me to communicate the message of hope to women who experience trials every day that surpass things that I know and understand. how humbled i am to give a message of hope to women who must rely on the Lord every day in the midst of their suffering.
while being home, i have had so much time with my mom (which has been a true blessing) because she is now retired. one day last week, i was waiting for her while she was eating lunch with friends and was taking longer than I expected. i had happened to be carrying my Bible with me that day and decided for some reason to start reading Job. i couldn’t remember ever reading all the way through Job before, so it seemed like a good way to pass time. (i’m not sure why I thought reading God’s Word would just be a way to pass time because from the very minute i began to read, He began to speak.) i quickly realized that this man’s story is supposed to be the basis of the message the Lord wants me to give the women of Mitumba. Job’s story is common to many and often used to explain why bad things happen to good people. but on this day, the story brought a message of hope and strength in so many different ways. I will write a few here because my words don’t suffice:
Job 5:8-12, 16:
“As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause,
Who does great things and unsearchable and marvelous things without number:
He gives rain on the earth and sends waters on the fields;
He sets on high those that are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.
He frustrates the devices of the crafty, so that their hands achieve no success….
So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts her mouth.”
Job 2:10:
Job says to his wife, “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”
Job 13: 15:
“Though he slay me, I will hope in him.”
Job 5:18:
“For he wounds, but he binds up;
He shatters, but his hands heal.”

Job was a man who found hope in the Lord in the midst of suffering, who knew the Lord saw the bigger picture and learned to trust that His ways were higher.

this is not a message that only the people of Mitumba need to hear but anyone who is a follower of Christ. the Lord has continued to speak to me about hope along with suffering in several other ways recently because i am seeing suffering in new ways that prove that suffering happens, so it is what we choose to do with it that shows our reliance on the Lord.

i just listened to a sermon that talked about suffering and the teaching of Paul from Philippians 3. the Lord revealed to Paul that “everything is loss, for the sake of the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ”; Paul knew that suffering was the way to become more and more like Jesus, and that was his only goal, so he embraced and rejoiced in suffering because of the glory set before him. he knew the Lord’s glory is shown when we suffer because we MUST rely on the Lord and become transformed into His likeness.

maybe it’s harder for us to understand suffering because we do not embrace it from the Lord. because in America we can easily change the things we don’t like: if we have a conflict with a close friend, we ignore or maybe even get a new one. if we are hurt by someone close to us, we push it deep down because we feel we should always be full of joy. we run out of food, we buy more. if our house isn’t big enough, we work to get a new one. we have instilled the idea in our minds that we can fix anything, and in the process we have lost our hope in the Lord and not understood what true suffering looks like. maybe for a mom in Mitumba, who doesn’t have a home, can’t feed her kids, and constantly has the fear of being raped, realizes more easily that her only hope is the Lord. because of her suffering, she learns to cling to Him, rely on Him, and trust Him fully. God allows suffering to us because He knows He is enough; He knows we can rely on Him; He knows He is faithful.
when we truly believes these things about Him, we will see that all things are rubbish that we may know Christ, “know him and the power of his resurrection, and share in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection of the dead.”

if we hope in the Lord in our suffering, we allow Him to use us as we are and change us to become like Him, that He may receive all the glory and that we may proclaim His greatness and His faithfulness.